My social media addiction was disconnecting me from the most important things in life. I walked away from Instagram for a month and gained so much from not being tethered to technology. I experienced things more fully, with all of my senses. I catalogued them in my brain instead of my phone. I’ll never consume social media in the same way again.
I deleted Instagram for a month to focus on writing my first book, but I got so much more out of it than that.
It took me awhile to actually delete the thing. Months, in fact. I knew a break was in order. I was getting too caught up in sharing there and spending too much time scrolling through people’s lives instead of fully living my own.
But, I kept justifying.
It was my digital scrapbook, after all. What if people try to contact me there? What if my following and engagement tank? And my biggest fear: What if I miss out on something?
I kept trying strategies to be on my phone less. A few things helped, but I still felt that near-constant pull to my phone. It was my go-to whenever I had a spare minute, or when I wanted to escape a tough moment. It had become a crutch.
When I finally pushed that little “x” and deleted the app, I instantly felt a sense of relief. Here are some insights I gained during my time away:
Present over posted
At first, I still saw some experiences through the social media lens. When we did something fun as a family, my kids said something funny, I listened to a great podcast or had an insight, I thought about posting it. But that compulsion faded away, and something better took its place.
I started being more present in those moments. I saw them for what they were, instead of what they could be on Instagram. I enjoyed them not because they were a good photo opp or share-worthy, but because they were a memory in the making. I experienced things more fully, with all of my senses. I catalogued them in my brain instead of on my phone.
More creation, less consumption
While working on my book for the past three years, I’ve had a nagging question at the back of my mind: How much further along would I be with it, how much more developed would my characters be, how much more could I hone my craft, if I didn’t have the noise of social media crowding my time and headspace?
I craved those rare moments of inspiration that seemed to be crowded out by all the other things taking up real estate in my mind, including Instagram.
I got more productive work done with my book during my four weeks without social media than I had in the previous three years I’d been working on it. When social media was out of the picture, moments of inspiration started coming significantly more frequently. And not just inspiration about my book, but about my kids, my friends, and my other creative projects.
Consuming social media (and other forms of media too) makes us feel like we’re doing something, but after an hour of it, we’re not left with much to show for it. It’s too easy to get stuck in a cycle of consuming instead of creating. (I love Jody Moore’s podcast on this.)
Validation from within
Shortly after I got off Instagram, I started feeling some intense insecurities—to the point of what felt like an emotional breakdown. It was strange, because I thought getting off social media would have the opposite effect. Then I realized two things:
First, I wasn’t experiencing the buzz of sharing my photos and thoughts with the world and getting the near-constant validation of likes, comments, and new followers anymore.
Second, I wasn’t using social media to numb or escape from my feelings and my reality anymore. I was having to feel and process things more deeply. It was a wake-up call to how much I was depending on distraction to avoid and numb feelings.
I’m learning the valuable lesson of feeling the full extent of my emotions and fostering self-validation instead of relying on external sources for it.
Feeling whole
As modern women, we feel like we’re being pulled in hundreds of directions. Social media exacerbates that fragmented feeling because we’re seeing what everyone else is doing, and comparing (even subconsciously) our situation and our choices to theirs. It’s overwhelming. I think our brains are kind of freaking out about the information overload of it.
Life isn’t meant to be lived by peering into everyone’s proverbial backyards to see what they’re up to, what their house looks like, what their hair looks like, what vacations their enjoying, and how their kids are behaving. We also don’t need to hear everyone’s advice (even good advice) about everything under the sun. That clouds our own intuition and common sense. It skews the perspective that we each have unique ways of living and parenting, and that being a successful, beautiful woman, wife, or mother doesn’t have a certain look.
A no-regrets motherhood
Ever since I lost my social media addiction, I’ve been more present with my kids. That’s how I want to spend these years while they’re young and under my influence. And that won’t happen unless I make some intentional choices about how I use social media. I want to set the example that living life and connecting with people always comes before connecting with technology and social media.
Finding balance
I’m back on social media. But I can’t consume it in the same way I did before, because now I know how much more peaceful, liberating, and fulfilling life feels when I’m not tethered to my phone.
Now, I preserve most moments for my family and I. When I do share, I don’t spend much time there, and I delete the app on weekends.
I don’t think social media is evil or something we should all ditch. There’s a lot of good to be found on it, and I enjoy sharing and connecting there. I applaud my friends who are able to pursue their passions and support their families through it. But for me, the return on my social media investment wasn’t worth the time and energy I was putting into it.
While social media apps can be a positive tool, the richness, fulfillment, and excitement of life is not contained in them. It’s in our relationships. Our real-life experiences. In simple, everyday moments, and in off-screen thoughts and inspiration. We shouldn’t have fear of missing out on what’s going on in the social media world—but of what we could be missing by spending too much time in it.
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- How to Find More Joy in Motherhood By Saying Yes to Less
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- How to Make Time for What Matters Most
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Social media does end up being a huge time suck, time that could be better spent. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I’m glad it resonated. Thanks for reading!
So glad you posted this! Would love to hear more about how you’re currently finding a good balance since returning to social media!
Hey, Katie! I’m glad you found some value in it. I’m still easing myself back into social media, but so far, I’ve found I just don’t have the same impulse to share and scroll like I did before. The consecutive break was key for me. I still delete the app regularly and share just a few times a week. The more I share, the more I check it and the more brain space it takes up! I’m happy to continue this break of sorts for now, but I may have to reassess someday if I decide building more of a following is worth the downfalls of having to be more present on social media.
Thanks for this. This is pretty much exactly how I feel about my own social media engagement– not Insta, just FB a bit and Tumblr a LOT. I need to throttle back. I’d delete FB but it’s the best way to keep up with my local community events. And it’s where I found this blog! All things in moderation is easier said than done.
It really is a constant struggle. I needed that break to reset my priorities and perspective, because trying to find an actual balance seemed futile with something that was designed to keep me going back to it again and again. This article helped me a lot, too: https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/technology/social-media-addiction
Three days ago I deactivated my facebook. I never got into intagram, I felt facebook and instagram were kind of like the same thing. For me, there was no reason to have two of the same thing. However I find facebook very evil and that is why I made the jump. My husband did too. We are both out. I saw friendships destroyed when people brought up their political views. I saw jealously too and comparison. Facebook plays with peoples emotions. First day it felt awesome, second day I felt withdraw like you get from any drug. But today, I love my decision and continue to stay out and live like the 80’s. Before I had all these excuses of why facebook was so awesome and them I realized they were just excuses I was making to myself. If someone thinks of me or wants to talk to me there is always a phone. You know, like conversations back in the day with a real phone or in person. I also found myself at the grocery line not looking at my phone and having real conversation with humans. Feeling good!
I have struggled with this very same thing, mostly the only way my family and few friends have contact is using fb or Instagram and I honestly felt very lonely without that. But I have also felt the negatives and many of them. As a pensioner , I need other avenues, I would love to break my addiction
I just started a new blog after deleting my Facebook! I love to blog, but it got lost for quite a while with all the Facebook stuff! THAT’s how I found you, browsing at blogs and this article just about smacked me in the face! lol
That’s a great article, reminder and good motivation for me! I really needed this – so thank you soo much!
You have described exactly how I would love to feel now, but don’t have that determination and will to stay away from social media, especiallt me being a very active blogger. I will try this idea at least for a week – this already would be a great succes for me ☺️
I also deleted Instagram and Facebook while on a leave from work because my networks cross.
Very few people contacted me or wondered how i was. We think we’re connecting but when you ‘ghost’ yourself, no one sincerely cares. It’s an opportunity to take back your own life. Good article.