Has your child ever said she thinks you do “nothing”? This is my answer to my child’s perspective on stay-at-home moms. (Hint: It’s a little more than “nothing,” but maybe I don’t mind that she sees it that way.)
It came home in her backpack. An innocuous paper with two happy stick figures and the handwriting I’d recognize anywhere.
I almost tossed it into the recycling with the rest of the paper pile that came home from school that day. (So many papers, right?)
But a word caught my eye. It was my name—Mom. So I read on.
My jaw may have visibly dropped when I read her well-intended words: “Rebecca stays at home and does nothing.”
There I stood, wearing workout clothes and no makeup, the evidence of a bustling breakfast around me, two loads of laundry waiting in the room next to me, and my phone dinging (another email) from the bottom of my purse.
I laughed out loud. An uncertain, this-is-hilarious-but-also-a-tiny-bit-alarming kind of laugh. 🙂
I stuck it on the fridge, looking forward to showing it to my husband when he came home later.
After having a good laugh over it with my husband I showed it to some friends and one of them said something that has stayed with me:
“You know, Rebecca, I remember my girls chatting once about how I do nothing. My first reaction was ‘HEY!’ But then I realized—how cool is it that I have a job that allows me to feel like my whole world revolves around them?”
Her wise words reminded me how lucky I am.
I get to hear their enthusiastic Friday afternoon dialogue, when school is finally over and the weekend stretches out before them.
I get to snuggle up on the couch with my 5 year old, after getting the big kids off to school and read some of our favorite books – again and again (and again Mom!)
I get to bake cupcakes with them on sunny afternoons, all the while talking about life, fairy princesses and who gets to lick the beaters.
I get to sit beside them when something’s on their mind but they don’t yet feel like talking.
Even if they can’t articulate what I do day in and day out, they get to feel it. They get to feel that I’m here.
I’m here.
Doing “nothing.”
And I’m okay with that.
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I don’t think kids understand what moms will sacrifice to be a stay-at-home mom. I did both be a stay-at-home mom and a working mom, and let me tell you, it’s much harder to be the stay-at-home mom. When I worked part-time, I was able to take breaks from the emotional roller coaster of raising kids and chaos of running a household. At work I had friends that I could talk to about parenting. When I came home from work, I had a little more money to spend, a little more advice on being a better mom from co-workers, and since I missed my kids, I was more loving when I was at home. Stay at home moms don’t get breaks. There’s no escape from the constant dishes, laundry, and cleaning. It’s sad that we live in a society that thinks stay-at-home moms “do nothing.” Just because there isn’t a paycheck attached to the job doesn’t mean a person does nothing. Being a mom is a labor of love. You get your paycheck of hugs and kisses. Don’t take it hard. Your daughter didn’t mean it that you do nothing. She knows you work hard everyday because she is right there with you. You are a great mom, Rebecca. Keep up the good work. Happy Mother’s Day!
http://askmelissaanything.blogspot.com/
This is really sweet. What a gift to your child to be able to do “nothing” with them.
I too have received confirmation from my three kiddies that I do nothing. For me it has come in the form of a question “Mom, what do you actually do all day?” I love this question, because after the initial frustrated feeling of being undervalued, it now makes me giggle. I like being a bit of a mystery to them. Keeps them guessing. love that your sweetie wrote in her best printing ever. Something so special about putting pen to paper and writing a note to someone we love; no matter our age. p.s. waving from Calgary, Alberta
Hello Barb! Thank you so much for stopping by – love your comment! 🙂
My son was about 5 when he told me he didn’t want me to be the boss of him anymore. I asked him if he wanted to be the mom and he agreed. So the next morning I made a picture list of all the stuff he had to do that day-fix me breakfast, clean up the kitchen, do laundry, clean the bathroom, fix lunch, pull weeds in the garden, etc… and my list of his two chores and then I got to go play with my friends.
He lasted about an hour, I give him props for trying. He has never questioned if I do “nothing” ever again and now at 15, he still makes a point of coming to talk to me and work with me so we get to keep doing “nothing” together.
One of my little darlings wrote on a paper once that I talked on the phone all day, which was extremely far from the truth! Gotta love them!
Super cute! I’ve worked full-time since I had my first child, I have 3 by the way, missed out on a lot. Then one day I was fired from work for taking too much time off. I was so exhausted from work and taking college classes I was happy to finally get a brake. I stayed home for a year with my children.
I realized going to work is easier than staying home. I definitely enjoyed bonding with my children and getting to know more about them. The experience brought us closer and made me realize somethings can wait, and that this is their time. I have a duty to give them the best childhood I possibly can. I went back to work, but put off going back for my MBA.
Stay at home moms have a great responsibility. It is the most important and most fulfilling job in the world. If I could I would have stayed home blissfully doing all of the non stop chores and endless laundry it truly is a labor of love.
I love this! I often have to remind myself how blessed I am to be home with my kids, and even homeschool them. I never want to take it for granted. And especially on the hard days I need to remember it is a blessing!
I am from Malaysia. Well, we do have this kind of stigma too in our country. People downgraded SAHM as low class people, with nothing to do all day long. If only they know what are our never ending daily routines! Nevertheless, we do really enjoy our quality time spend with the entire family. Despite that we don’t have any break time. I firmly believe that most of us are having shower with door opened and lil bub is watching us from afar! But that is the great moment we treasure the most as a mother ♡
This, I love!
Oh yes, I have three children that have one time or another questioned what it is I do all day. As the older two are now in college, they realize what stay at home parents really do as they are away trying to navigate themselves through life without the immediate assistance of mom. Bill paying and grocery shopping along with laundry in between classes and their campus jobs gave a quick wake up call to why everything seemed to run so smoothly back at home. My three now clearly see why mom never slept very much and are now coming around in amazement that their treats were still created, decorated and packaged all pretty just in time for the bake sales and whatnot. They realize that the stay at home parent is the master calendar holder (since they made it to all of their extracurricular practices on time) and huge advocate for issues that arise that somehow required a firmer voice than they were able to give at the time. Life does shape them if they don’t realize it earlier while under your roof. But most importantly, they have a super appreciation for their dad that picked up extra shifts or side employment to allow them to have mom at home.
I asked my four year old what she thinks I do when she goes to pre-school two days a week (I effectively fit 8 hours of work as a graphic designer into 5 hours while she is there – you know how it is). She said, “You sit and wait for me to come home again.” Perfect answer I thought 🙂
Too cute!! 🙂
Children need to know that work at home is still hard earned and worthwhile. My 5yo son knows that doing laundry and cooking dinner every day is just as important as bring home money to pay for the bills.
It’s not cool at all for them to take for granted that you bend over backwards to make thier lives the best they can be. In fact it’s insulting to dismiss all that dedication and sweat as “nothing”.