Do you see yourself as a family historian? You may not spend hours at the computer searching for names, but I bet you’re documenting the lives of the people you love. The things is, there’s one more thing you can do to make your family’s history exponentially more powerful. 

I remember going as a child to my great-grandpa’s farm house Sundays after church. We’d eat green grapes and macaroon chocolates and spend whole afternoons playing in the farmyard.

One of my favorite things to do was find a quiet corner in the living room and pull out the old photo albums, pouring over pages and pages of black-and-white photos.

I could hear the adults talking and siblings and cousins playing in the backyard as I took in all the details of the photographs, wondering about these people I’d never met and imagining what life must have been like for them.

Fast forward a dozen years and it was my love of photos that prompted within me an instinct to start documenting my children’s lives the moment they were born. I began documenting their lives, primarily through photographs, and sharing them on a little blog I called “Simple As That.”

Recording their stories—our family’s stories—as they unfolded became so important to me as I filled up blog posts, scrapbooks, and journals and as I snapped photo after photo…after photo!

I recently attended a global family history event in Salt Lake City called Roots Tech, and the message that filled my heart after days of listening to people so passionate about family history is this:

We’re not preserving our stories for some unknown future date. These stories are for NOW.

I realized that although I’ve been actively recording my family’s story, I haven’t been as active about instilling our stories in my children’s hearts.

It’s a critical but I think often missing piece of the puzzle.

Our stories bind together the past and present, give a glimpse of the soul, and help our children master the art of listening. {What Children Gain When You Open Up}

Bruce Feiler, author of The Secrets of Happy Families, asserts that “knowing more about family history is the single biggest predictor of a child’s emotional well-being.”

3 People Whose Stories Your Children Deserve to Know 

1. Yours.

Have you told your children what school was like before the Internet? Do they know what you wanted to be when you grew up—when you were their age? Do they know how you and your husband met?

I think as parents—and especially mothers—we sometimes let our stories fade deeply into the background as we help our children live out their own. But letting them know us can help deepen our relationships.

2. Your parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents.

When I think about my grandparents, I long for my children to know them. They can’t, but through me, they can know so much.

3. Their own. 

Have you ever noticed how a young child, even one who barely knows how to talk, will latch onto a story from their life and tell it over and over? There’s something to that.

By reminding them about hard things they’ve done or times when they’ve showed kindness, we can reinforce the character traits we hope they’ll take into adulthood.

Which brings me to…

The Very Best Kinds of Stories 

The best stories show children that members of their family have overcome hard things (job losses, financial troubles, health challenges, etc.), and that by extension, they can too.

I left the Roots Tech conference with a fire in me, a determination to find and share family stories with my children and relatives—not for some far-off day, but now.

If you, like me, have every wondered how to find your place in the whole spectrum of family history, I hope you’ll take this impactful step with me.

Our stories connect us.

“Smart parents give their children a million answers. Wise parents ask their children a million questions.” Glennon Doyle Melton

“Quit kicking each other! Hands and feet to yourself! Do I need to sit in between you two?”

Things you never imagined yourself saying while sitting on a church pew.

Until you had kids.

Sometimes at night I lie in the warmth of my bed and feel my thoughts creep up on me with a tightening grip.

They should know better than to act like that during church… 

We should have given our reminder speech in the car on the way over. 

We really, like really, need to teach our oldest to tie his shoes. 

We have so many words to learn before the spelling bee next week. 

Why didn’t Trenton stick up for his brother yesterday while playing with the neighbors? I need to talk to him about that. 

I used to let these thoughts pull me further and further down a no-good path to nowhere. (And to be honest, sometimes I still do.) But over the years I’ve slowly become better at setting them aside and trusting in myself as a person and a parent.

When the parenting overwhelm and the negative self-talk start to encroach, I repeat some powerful words in my head: our family’s purpose statement.

The simple lines that comprise our family purpose statement remind me that I’m giving my kids the childhood, the self-confidence, and the values that I’ve always wanted to give them.

I may be terrible at remembering to schedule my kids’ pediatrician visits or teaching them to tie their shoes, but my husband and I are great at doing the few things that deeply matter to us.

That’s enough for me.

If you too would like a little more peace in your parenting, a little more confidence that despite your shortcomings, you’re on the right track, here are four steps to nail down your family vision this year—in the form of a family purpose statement.

1. Gather your people in an environment that usually produces good conversation for you. 

Maybe you’ve noticed that conversation flows comfortably for your family while you’re hiking or while you’re gathered around a campfire or when you’re just piled onto the couch with a good dessert in your hands. Wherever it is, talk there. 

2. Ask one pivotal question: “What do we value? What matters to us?”

As a family, write down every answer you come up with.

3. Take some time to narrow it down to the values that are core to your family.

This is a part of the process that can’t be rushed. Time equals clarity. As you let your ideas ruminate in the back of your mind, I bet you’ll find certain tenants rise to the surface. Those will become your family purpose statement.

4. Let go of the idea of perfection.

You don’t have to get it right all at once. This doesn’t have to be the exact family purpose statement that you’ll have engraved on a coat of arms and pass on to your great-great-great-grandkids. Just use it as a roadmap for the time being, and be open to modifying it in the future if needed. If people can change, so can a family purpose statement. 🙂

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All that’s left is to memorize your family’s statement and repeat it to yourself at night in bed, when those nagging insecurities creep up on you.

You’ve pinned down what matters to you—your family’s “why”—and you’re doing your best to live it.

That can be enough. 

If you’d like more information, motivation, and inspiration—including examples from some awesome families—check out my ebook on Amazon (temporarily on sale for 99 cents!):

How to Craft a Family Purpose Statement: A Guide to Discovering the “Why” of Your Family and Building an Identity that Will Stay with Your Children Forever

Post photos from the beautiful and talented, Bay-area lifestyle photographer: Jen J Photo